Evansville Needs Metallagher – Where Thrash, Smash and Comedy Collide
Can you imagine 80's era Metallica music plus the comedy stylings of Gallagher? Wouldn't that be so cool if it actually existed? WELL...it does!
Many moons ago when I was a younger lad, say around 2005, I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota. It turns out there is a band called Metallagher based in Minneapolis that is quite the draw for their spot-on old school Metallica thrash metal and their Gallagher Hetfield impersonator/vocalist/Sledge-O-Matic hammer man that obliterates fruits on stage and splatters the crowd, among other antics the real comedian Gallagher has made famous.
The rest of the band members include Dave Mustard on guitar, Cliff Burgerton on bass, Kirk Ham Sandwich on guitar and Lars Casserole on drums.
So seeing I was in Minneapolis, and these guys play in Minneapolis often, I decided to go see them one night with my roommate and his girlfriend. His girlfriend was not into 80's era Metallica thrash music. In hindsight, we should've left her at home. Anyway, we show up to this bar, drinking and waiting for the this goofy sounding band to take the stage. The place is packed full of people and finally, out come the members of the band and they break into a super tight and sick cover of Master of Puppets.
Onward through the song, Gallagher Hetfield tells some jokes, warms up the already energized crowd and starts smashing some fruit. Holy shit, this is really happening! Jokes, fruits, songs. Into the second song, a cantaloupe was smashed and half of it shot back behind us like a flying missile. This really husky, drunk chick was directly in front of me, moving to the music and struggling to keep her balance. Suddenly, that same half of a cantaloupe came flying from behind us and smacked the husky drunk girl right in the back of the noggin, dropping her down for the count. We laughed uproariously. Before we could inquire if she was okay, she was, like a champ, up on her hands and knees, trying to erect herself once more. Finally, she did it and was back up, wobbling on her feet.
She then proceeded to walk very slowly over to the bathroom as the band was splaying fruit cocktail through their third song. We watched her stumble into an old timey arcade game set against the wall then eat concrete once again.
About that time, my roommate's non Metallica or Metallagher liking girlfriend, contorted her face into the most unpleasant frown and demanded it was time to leave. I was totally bummed because I wanted to see the whole show, watch the crazy theatrics and listen to the killer songs being played. But she was our ride and it was way to cold to walk.
Luckily, I experienced the awesomeness of Metallagher for almost four whole songs and a bevy of hammer time fruit smashing and haha jokes.
Evansville needs Metallagher! What fun could be had if enough cash-flowing people pooled together to contact and book this goofy bad ass band and bring them to the Ville for a crazy show! Make it happen people!