I've got two pussies that like to lick each other... all over.

Okay, okay...CATS. I have two CATS. I'm talking about cat baths here. My two cats lick themselves and one another. Sometimes they even try to lick me, and sometimes it's right after they lick their B-hole. Uhuunnnh, Brandon K isn't having that mess.

Here are the two cats:

They are napping contently together for the night. This occurs after the fatty, Mr. Fantastic (orange coat/white socks) licks Dr. Bill's (gray stripes/white goatee) face, head and ears for about ten minutes. Then Bill licks Mr.'s face for about thirty five seconds and calls it quits and they sleep. This peaceful and loving exchange happens about half the time or less. Usually what happens is Bill will come up to Mr. and lick his face a few times. Then he lays down and lets Mr. lick his face, head and ears for a few minutes, then Bill tries to bite Mr.'s face off like he caught the rage disease and they fell into the movie 28 Days Later.

Since Mr. is the fatty, he has more surface area to cover. He also needs to keep his snow white fur gleaming. He's become an expert groomer that takes his time and pays thorough attention to detail with his tiny, sand-papery tongue. The only thing he can't seem to get very well is the corner of his eyes. I'd spit on a tissue and clean them out for him, but like a prepubescent child, he does not care for that one bit. Maybe it embarrasses him. This is where Bill could be of assistance. But Bill is a selfish bather and doesn't really like attending to Mr. like Mr. does to him. Bill is more of a quick spot and shine bather, then it's on to a window to look out of, a face to bite or a lap to find for a snooze.

Cats sure do like to snooze. I caught Mr. trying to hide and snooze in our bedroom the other day. He hasn't quite nailed the whole hiding thing yet.

Who is that under there? I see you, ding dong. Maybe he was trying to hide from Bill, so he wouldn't run the risk of having his face devoured. Silly pussies.

Cat behavior is strange. Feel free to share crazy things your cats do in the comment section. Maybe Bill isn't the only sweet-as-can-be face biter.