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Tossed Cookies: A Christmas Tale by Brandon K

It’s almost Christmas, so here is my present to you dear readers: a quick and gross story with photo documentation.

The other evening the big yellow dog barfed on the carpet. I’ve never witnessed a big, large dog barfing before. And by barf, I mean he opened his mouth wide and out rushed what appeared to be two quarts of mushy beef stew like someone turned over a bucket full of gruel over in our living room. But it didn’t smell like beef stew. It made me nauseous. Made me feel like I was going to open my mouth and dump my own beef stew on the carpet. Churning stomach, sickened senses, I was hurting.


Below is Barfy McBarferson all blurry because he’s on the move, trying to return to the scene of the crime. ACCESS DENIED!


My wife, Red, hopped into action and immediately corralled the big yellow dog and rushed him outside to prevent him from eating his regurgitation and possibly barfing a second time. I would’ve tossed my shit for sure then—big, huge spew. The big yellow dog belongs to her, so this was all her cleanup party. I do believe she enjoyed it.


With the big yellow dog outside, Red commenced the cleaning process, which was disgusting. I can only imagine the texture of the barf through the thin layers of paper towel she used to scoop up the chunks and sop up the juice. Then came our trusty can of Resolve to finish off the clean up job. The Resolve did a pretty fair job, but there is a faint spot of discoloration left behind because the big yellow dog really did a number on our carpet.


See that pinkish looking stain (not an optical illusion) on the carpet near one of the big yellow dog’s chew toys? Yeah, Resolve couldn’t solve that. I guess I’ll have to bring Stanley Steemer in this bitch to suck up the remnants and Hasta la vista the stain.

I hope you all liked my story and enjoyed my pictures. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

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