Battle Of The Internships
Charlie Sheen needs an intern. You know this. You probably heard that he received over 74,000 applicants. And I gotta say, the reason you don’t see T-Rav prepping his resume and sending it to that totally bitchin’ rock star from Mars, is that I learned all that during my internship here at GBF.
Yes, I came in to this radio world a bright-eyed, not yet 21, college Junior in the winter of 2006. I was never ready for the lessons that await me, how could I be? Such as the one I learned during my first week, don’t run the sound system on the Hummer without the engine turned on. Whoops.
Tell me that is not a lesson you can learn with Mr. Sheen. In fact, here is a short list of the many lessons I learned during my internship here at GBF.
- In a Jager chugging battle, its always best to let the band drummer win.
- Yes, you will sweat out half your body weight on Ski Day…its best to spend the whole summer bulking up.
- The Hummer IS washable, just don’t let Bobby know the who, what, why, and how of the situation.
- If for some reason you find your mug shot being taken, slap on the bad-ass grin. You know that will come up if your career takes off.
- If you are asked to help during the Wet T-Shirt contest, always call dibs on ‘Water Pour-er’. And its across the chest, not over the head “O’Doyle Rules!” style.
- If you are in charge of pouring shots during a large event, its always ‘one for you, two for me.’
- As a female intern its only permissible to cry when trying to put up a ‘contest’ boat, in a pouring thunderstorm. After a long day of remotes. For the guys, we suggest Captain or Sailor.
- Been out to a station event till 4 AM, and you gotta be on air at 9 AM. Somehow, if you got it, you’ll still sound like a rockstar.
- The next grossest, depraved, viral video will be shared with you by the staff. So that way we can all bond in the scarring.
- When coaching any drunk female contest participants, #1 Rule: A contestant spills your drink, they’re out. You’re an intern, you gotta pay for your drinks and we aren’t paying you.
- Mullets are everywhere, never stop hunting. Always come armed with a camera. Mullet cannot look at camera, you cannot draw attention to the mullet. Those are the rules.
- If the bassplayer, now wearing a fishnet thong, tells you to hop in their dirty tour van cause they’re going to the strip club, go with it. Then you’ll REALLY have stories to tell your dysfunctional grandchildren.
- You may in fact, meet women during your internship, that you have seen naked before you met them. For example Playboy Models, or adult film stars (it happens). It is not appropriate to giggle like a 12 year old…I’m looking at you, Sandman…
- There will be a time when you will have to take pictures during a wet t-shirt contest or thong contest. And, yes, that feeling is normal. This is a REAL internship.
- A storm drain is not a ‘magical outdoor bathroom’.
- And all those lessons about being a broadcaster, and that yada, yada, yada.
In all honesty, I think my internship experience stacks up quiet well to what Charlie Sheen may offer. That, and I really have a hard time finding a legit university that would approve that.
Even four years since the end of my internship, I still think about the times we sat crammed in the promotions office at the corner of 41 and Lincoln. There we were….four interns…trying to work a laminator…wondering how this will pay off in the world of broadcasting…ignoring the growing infection I was getting from the vicious box cut on my finger. Which I got after folding 900 entry boxes. Yep, these new interns have got it easy.