Nine years after the original ‘Sin City,’ a sequel that no one has recently asked for will be in your local movie theater today. The name of this sequel is ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For,’ which consists of four intertwining stories set against a stylized backdrop and, hey, it’s August … what are you really looking for right now, anyway? As a service to you, we answer every question that you could possibly have about ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For.’

Q: In ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For,’ who is the dame to kill for?

A: That would be Ava Lord (Eva Green).

Q: Who is killing for this dame?

A: A man named Dwight (Josh Brolin), who has been convinced that Ava’s husband poses a threat to her.

Q: is Ava playing Dwight for the fool?

A: Yes.

Q: Is ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’ playing us for fools?

A: That really all depends on if you see ‘Sic City: A Dame to Kill For’ this weekend.

Q: Do you realize that you spelled “Sin” as “Sic” in that last answer?

A: Yes. I’m leaving it. I don't care. [Ed. note: Neither do I.]

Q: Is the phrase “a dame to kill for” actually spoken in ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For'?

A: Yes.

Q: What’s the best thing about ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who approaches the material with such gusto that I think he’s under the impression that people care about this movie.

Q: What does Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character do in this movie?

A: Gordon-Levitt is a gambler of sorts who claims that he never loses. He finds himself in hot water after beating Senator Roark (Powers Booth) in a high stakes card game. After, some gruesome things happen. Then again, there are always gruesome things happening in this movie.

Q: How many eyeballs are removed from a person’s face in ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: One.

Q: What do you think that removed eyeball is doing right now?

A: Watching anything other than ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For.’

Q: Isn’t Mickey Rourke in this movie?

A: He is. He stabs and punches a lot of people, just like pretty much everyone else in this movie.

Q: What should the tagline be for ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: How about “You didn’t ask for this movie – at least, not in the last five years you didn’t -- but here it is.”

Q: Do I have to see the first ‘Sin City’ before seeing ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: A working knowledge wouldn’t hurt, but it’s not a requirement. Keep in mind, seeing neither of these movies is an option, too.

Q: What’s the nicest thing you can say about ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: It’s very pretty.

Q: The big question that everyone wants to know, how is the nude scene in ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: I must admit, Christopher Meloni looks pretty good without any clothes on.

Q: Is ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’ really that bad?

A: No. It’s far from terrible and maybe -- just maybe -- gets eversoclose to being serviceable. It’s just that the movie feels like watching the same thing over and over and over and over.

Q: What’s the biggest problem with ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’?

A: After about an hour, it just felt like ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’ was relentlessly beating me over the head while screaming, “Don’t you like our style, kid? Huh, don’t cha? What’s it to ya, anyway? Look at our style! Look at it!” I just wanted to stand up and scream, “I get it! I get it!!! Make it stop!” But, I didn’t, because I am not a crazy person. Though, this movie almost turned me into a crazy person.

Q: Huh.

A: Yeah.

Q: What’s an example?

A: Oh, you want an example? [Slices off your arm]

Q: Why did you just slice off my arm?

A: [Slices off other arm]

Q: Hey!

A: [Shoots you in the knee]

Q: Why?

A: [Stabs you in the gut]

Q: Don’t do that.

A: [Removes your eyeball]

Q: What was all that about?

A: Welcome to Sin City.

Q: If you’re going to be blurbed in this weekend’s commercial for ‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For,’ what quote do you hope is used?

A: “I get it.” – Mike Ryan,

Mike Ryan has written for The Huffington Post, Wired, Vanity Fair and GQ. He is the senior editor of ScreenCrush. You can contact him directly on Twitter.

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