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This Pixelated Swimsuit Might Give Us a Heart Attack, Should We Ever See it in Action

Pixelkini
Pixelkini

The only thing better than scoping out a hot chick wearing a skimpy bikini is catching a glimpse of one wearing nothing at all. Sadly, those pesky laws of modern civilization seem to frown on public nudity.  This means that unless you frequent nude beaches, your chances of catching an eyeful of the Nipplous Mountains and the Snail Trail Canal this summer are discouragingly low. However…

Somewhere out there exists a special breed of female; one with just enough of a twisted sense of humor and an IDGAF attitude to sport the hilarious nudist illusion that the geeks have appropriately deemed the Pixelated Swimsuit. Incidentally, rumor has it that the pervert population is simply referring to this masterpiece-of-class as the Pubikini, the Trimsuit and our personal favorite – the Chlorinlingus. We’re still waiting to hear back about those pulitzer nominations guys, sit tight.

Thanks to the masterminds behind this swimwear, not only has “breaststroke” taken on a whole new meaning, but taking in a mouthful of urine is the least of everyone’s worries while cooling off inside the petri dish that is the public pool. That’s because once the pixel-kini makes an appearance on the sidelines of any cement-pond where teenage boys and creepy old men alike troll for summertime-tail, there is bound to be an insurgence of underwater-whackin’ large enough to trigger a massive, global tidal wave.

Yet, there doesn’t appear to be any real reason to fear the summer whacker this swimsuit season; no more than usual, anyway.  As far as we can tell, this pixelkini is still still just a prototype, and is in no way retail ready for those brave enough to wear it. If this nude swimsuit does make a splash (or squirt) this pool season, manufactures may be inclined to produce other versions, like the 70s bush model, which our female editor says she will be more than willing to wear on casual Fridays.

Female editor’s note: I mean, yeah. Probably.

Next: Have You Tried Sex Cereal?

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