End of The World: The To Do List
Some crazed nut in California is claiming that the world will come to an end this Saturday. At 6 PM Pacific time, cause we have a punctual high power. We all know if I were in charge, I would do it at 5 AM Monday. Just to end the suffering before work. So what can you do to help ease in to the end?
1) Get A Greasy Burger At The Big Top
Who cares if your arteries are going to get clogged, you won't need them much longer. Just get the double cheeseburger special, upsize the fries, and get a side of nacho cheese. If you're going for the last meal, this is going to be the one you don't want to skip. Plus you'll save a shload of cash, so you still have time to party.
2) Check Out Thong Thursday at Fast Eddys
Shameless plug? Perhaps. But if you're going out, go out seeing some naked asses. Okay there is a thong there, but does that even count as underwear. If you're of the female persuasion, take part in the contest? Who's going to know at work on Monday? There won't even be a Monday! If there is, just use your Thong Contest earnings to buy everyone lunch so they'll drop it.
3)After Eddys, Nickel Beer Night at Stoneys
If you blew all your cash at Eddy's, use your pocket change to buy drinks at Stoney's. Every Thursday is college night, so if you have a college ID you're getting in for free. If its one thing I like to do during the Apocalypse, its saving some money!
4)Reflect on the Evansville Riverfront
You have lived a sinful life, why not reflect on the nicest riverfront on the Ohio. There still might be some of that good river mud coating the boat launch, but who cares if your Jordans get messy? They'll be left behind for the looters after the rapture anyway.
5) Leave All Your Cash With Me
Hey, I'm a radio DJ. More than likely, if there is a rapture, I'm still going to be here Sunday. And I need to pay my cell phone bill, and we know those people won't be going anywhere either. Its not like you're going to need the money. I've got Paypal, so just email me!
Okay, okay, that last one was a stretch. But I felt it was worth the effort. So maybe nothing will come on Saturday. But why not party it up! Anyone having a rapture party? What other things would you want to do if the world was ending in Evansville?
...and what the hey, if you get left behind too, you can join me for the Post Rapture Looting. Just be sure to RSVP on Facebook first! Lets hit up Best Buy first, cause I need an Xbox Kinect. And just in case things go way crazy, like Zombie Apocalypse crazy, the Centers For Disease control has provided us a guide for that.
Happy Apocalypse Saturday!