Watch Expert Marskman Keanu Reeves Shoot a Bunch of Stuff Training for ‘John Wick 2’
Over the course of a human life, a person’s coolness quotient should follow a basic pattern. Infants, with their constant crying and inability to clean their own buttocks, are decidedly uncool. Children occasionally say cool things, but are mostly little spaz-bots intent on making everything sticky. Coolness drops to record lows from ages ten through fourteen, when tweens and teens run the risk of doing such massively, cripplingly uncool things as using racial slurs on XBox Live or confessing to enjoying the music of Tool. Coolness climbs to an all-time high upon entry to the college years of late teen-hood and the early twenties, and remains at a lofty plateau until it slopes downward in the late twenties, and continues to do so until the hour of death is at hand.
That being said, who does Keanu Reeves think he is? At age 51, what right does he have to be cooler than ever? Today, a video of what we desperately hope is training for John Wick 2 and not some kind of preparation for America’s impending descent into jungle warfare under President Trump surfaced online, showing the action hero ‘shredding’ in an impressive display of on-the-fly marksmanship.
He moves with such purpose and precision, shooting the crap out of so many different objects using so many different guns. It’s kinda funny — the whole point of Tropic Thunder was to expose the phoniness of actorly ego and pretension, cutting A-listers down to size by dropping them into enemy territory with nothing but their lines to protect them. But, to be honest, this video makes a pretty strong argument that Keanu Reeves could seriously bust up a southeast Asian drug ring if it came down to it.