How Bathroom Anxiety Affects Workers In America And Beyond

I am NOT alone! You're not either.

My friends routinely make fun of me because I am very open about the fact that I have serious public restroom anxiety. My issues are plenty. First, let's address the urinal.

I can't stand them and I will never understand why bathroom designers- particularly in public arenas- think it's okay just to line them up along wall with little to no separation. For example, I was in a public restroom recently at the Cincinnati Open in Mason, Ohio and one particular restroom there is a 'sausage fest' because of it. I walked into the room and just saw a parade of wieners. Can we have a little privacy, please?

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For me, excreting is private matter and I want to do it alone. In solitude. That's why I always go into a stall. And, I feel I need to clarify this. How should I put it without imparting 'TMI'? I have nothing to be ashamed of in that particular department, but I don't feel obligated to 'Free Willy' every time my bladder demands it.

And, look! If I feel that way about #1, just imagine how I feel about #2. My cheeks have only been on public porcelain three times since the Summer of '97. Those events were so traumatic for me that I actually remember when the dreaded deuces took place and precisely where I was when they happened. In 1997, I was at a Jewish Community Center in Los Angeles, California. In July of 2021, I had to pop a squat at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris. For the record, I was so traumatized by the fact that I 'had to go' that I waited for the family restroom to clear out before barricading myself inside it. The last time was in December of 2024 at Heathrow Airport in London. Oh wait! Just before that, in Nuremberg, Germany, I brutalized the basement restroom of some poor, unsuspecting coffee shop.

Now, before you come to the conclusion that I am some complete freak, please know that a recent study shows that bathroom anxiety is a real thing. And, it plagues American and British workers at the same clip. I heard a brief summary of this on a radio news report earlier this week. Naturally, I looked up the details.

The study was conducted by QS Supplies, who surveyed 1,000 workers in the U.S. and the UK. What they found didn't surprise me at all. I have worked at my place of employment for 28 years and I have only used the restroom (a rousing #2) there ONCE. Well, it was several times over the course of one morning thanks to some horrific biological agent that wrecked my intestines. Also, for the record, it was before work hours and there was only one other person in the building- so, I was able to relax and accomplish the task at hand with minimal anxiety, sweating, and prayer.

According to the QS Supplies survey, my inhibitions are quite common. According to an analysis of the data by The Indian Express, over 70% of employees in both countries have experienced 'bathroom anxiety.' 76% of Americans confess it. 75% of British workers do. I feel even more sorry for the Gen Z folks. 83% of them admit to crippling bathroom anxiety and 1 in 12 say they've contemplated quitting their jobs because of it.

And, get this! Vice.com did an analysis of the data too. 11% of U.S. workers and 8% of British workers have had 'accidents' at work and have hidden their soiled clothes to cover it up. People literally would rather do that or quit instead of having that potentially embarrassing conversation with their boss. If I used the restroom on myself at work, you'd have to go ahead and carve out some space for me inside an institution.

Look! I'm not going to risk it. My friends laugh at me when I tell them I have trained my bowels. But, I have! I have conditioned them, for the most part, to only work when I am in the comfort of my own home, my own bathroom. And, let me tell you. I outlined the success rate above. They've only failed me four times since 1997.