A Humorous Look At Egg Nog, Why Some People Hate It, and Where It Comes From

I am certain you can tell by that rather subtle photo how I feel about egg nog. I think it is GNARLY!  I would rather lick a public toilet seat than drink egg nog. I can't stand the smell of it. I can't stand the consistency of it. And, more importantly and nauseatingly, I can't stand the taste of it. How, why does anyone drink that swill?

DO PEOPLE REALLY LIKE EGG NOG?

To fully celebrate the holiday season and to facilitate the debate about egg nog's seat at at the Christmas table, I decided to poll the crowd. On my morning show, I shared this on social media and encouraged the audience to chime in.

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As I expected, reactions were mixed.

So, the conversation and widely varying opinions made my wonder this. Where in the heck did egg nog come from anyway? Whose idea was this? Who's responsible for it? Were they adequately punished? Burned at the stake? Fed to wild boars?

I found a very interesting (if not disturbing) article online from The Spruce Eats. By the way, I feel like I should include this factoid as a way of making my rather overzealous portrayal of egg nog as the devil seem more legitimate. The Spruce Eats admits, "You either love it or hate it." In case I didn't make it clear up top, I choose B.

Now that my dramatic and expressive-to-a-fault feelings are validated, hear ye, hear ye! According to the research, egg nog dates all the way back to 13th-century England. Clearly, its the fault of the Brits. I knew there was a good reason my ancestors fled the mainland. See ya, Britches!

And this is gross. The word 'nog' means 'strong beer.' Excuse me??!!!  That makes egg nog even worse. This thick, milky monstrosity was inspired by beer?? Let me just go ahead and vomit my head off my neck.

Oh, and we can't forget the American colonists either. Apparently, some of them dragged this #$%^ across the pond. Cue the 1700s, when people in the thirteen colonies were chugging 'grogs'. No wonder the average life expectancy of a colonist was about 25-years-old.

To find out why this exalted Milk of Magnesia became a popular holiday go-to, I consulted this YouTube video from Weird History Food.

I'm sorry. Did he say "milk punch" or "egg milk punch"? Just give me a paring knife so I can cut my own tongue out. Nothing I am learning about egg nog makes it more attractive or appealing. Every single detail I have consumed (bad choice of word) is making it sound exponentially worse.

So, I think it's best I just tap out. That's the best part about consumerism. I don't have to buy it. I don't have to like it. I certainly don't have to drink it.

If you're on board though, cheers! Slurp on that grog. Shotgun that milk punch! But for the love of Baby Jesus, please don't do it within 32 fluid ounce radius of me.