Producer Tommy Nearly Killed One Of Free Beer’s Dogs

Hi Idiots.

This week it is I who is the idiot. Shocking, I know. Before we get started, please bear in mind this was not my fault and I did everything in my power to remedy the situation as it unfolded. Also, another good thing to keep in mind: everyone was totally fine in the end. 

Now that that is out of the way, allow me to spin a tale of mystery and woe called "Who Ate The Cookies?"

This past weekend, Free Beer and his wife took a trip and last minute needed a replacement caretaker for their 3 dogs, 1 cat, and many fish. Naturally, they chose someone who was a reliable and trustworthy person.

Unfortunately, that person was busy and they came to me.

It was supposed to be a chill weekend: let the dogs out when they needed to go, sit on the couch, and play on Free Beer's PlayStation. Nothing too extreme. That's how the first day went. However, bright and early on Saturday, things took a dark turn. A dark, chocolate-covered turn. 

You see, Free Beer's wife kindly made me 36 chocolate chip cookies as a thank-you for helping out. These cookies were delicious. However, I was not the one to consume most of them. That honor would go to Free Beer's dog Buddy. However, I only learned it was Buddy retroactively, and I thought it was Howard who had eaten the cookies. Buddy dragged the cookies to Howard's bed and framed him. So the entire day I was freaking out over the wrong #$!%ing dog. 

Sorry, Howard. You're a good boy.

So anyway, at 8:30 in the morning, I'm calling the emergency animal hospital because I'm panicking thinking the dog just consumed a lethal amount of chocolate. For those of you who are unaware, chocolate is poisonous to dogs. I was then redirected to animal poison control (which I didn't even know was a thing), and then I had to interrupt Free Beer on his vacation (at 7:30 AM in his time zone) to tell him his dog was insane.

I was told to monitor the dogs in case anything seemed off. Everything ended up being fine in the end, but at that moment I thought I was:

1. The worst dog sitter ever
2. About to be unemployed
3. Potentially a murderer (?)

So yeah, the moral of the story: everyone loves cookies, but cookies don't love everyone.