There are some odd people asking some pretty strange questions on Yahoo...I decided to try to help them out as best I can.








No. Absolutely not. You cannot listen to Christmas music during the summer or you might invoke the wrath of Krampus. Krampus never forgets. He will remember your transgressions throughout the year and then punish you in December for your naughty ways.'s July. July is a safe month for Christmas songs. But it has to be AFTER July 4th. If you listen to Christmas music between July 1st and 4th, Uncle Sam will be hiding under your bed at night waiting to punish you. Also, he has Krampus on speed dial. I wouldn't risk it.

If you're trying to listen to George Michael in remembrance of him, might I suggest "Faith", "Father Figure", or "Freedom"? Those are some safe summer songs.








Mayor McCheese is VERY strict on his Happy Meal policy. You have to be a certain age to get it. I mean, I don't know when the cut-off age is, but if you have to ask, you're probably too old.

And you don't want to be sent to McDonald's jail. The Hamburglar is in there right now. And you might be thinking to yourself "Oh, it's just the Hamburglar! All he does is steal burgers! Psh!" Yeah, that's what he's notoriously known for, but he's done some other stuff. Stuff we're not supposed to talk about. Think about it...there's a reason we don't see those little Chicken Nugget characters on the commercials anymore. I can't say what exactly he did to them, for legal reasons, but let me just say, you don't want to be alone in a closed space with that guy for too long. Have you looked into his eyes? They are vacant pools of chaos. He is a man that screams "I've done it before and I'll do it again. AND LIKE IT." He's a got a wrap sheet longer than a McDonald's receipt for a company picnic. Stay far away from the Hamburglar.

If you want a Happy Meal, you buy a $1 cheese burger, small fry, and small drink, just like any other adult. If you want a toy, learn origami and fold your burger wrapper into a swan or something.

*Side note: Only exception is the Triple Dog Dare. You just can't back out of those.














Okay, first things first: NEVER use the phrase "peeped at my son" again unless you want CPS called on you.

Secondly: How did you "peep" at your son using this term in a chatroom? Were you hiding behind him in a closet, watching his internet activity? Or did he leave Facebook up during one of his few runs to go to the bathroom and then stock back up on Mt. Dew from the kitchen? I mean, I KNOW you didn't hack into his computer, because if you had the skills to hack a computer you'd have the skills to know what "sup" means...

And why is "rap" in quotation marks?

I'll have you know, sir or ma'am, that "sup" is NOT a gang affiliated term. It actually stands for "sell ur pants". Your son is probably trying sell some clothes to get money to pay for college. It's expensive. He's just trying to help out.

How DARE you think that he would stab you because a gang put a subliminal message into rap songs! Maybe you should stop listening to your "NPR" once in a while and actually TALK to your son.

...Unless "sup" actually DOES stand for "stab ur parents" and then he'd use the insurance money to pay for insurance is a lot more money than pants...

...On second thought, maybe you SHOULD talk to him about "sup"...




So, there you go! My contribution to the world wide web! I hope I helped these people. If not...well, there wasn't much hope for them to begin with anyway.

Do you have a Yahoo question I should answer? Leave them in the comments below!

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