Why I’m Not A Fan Of Alabama
For my vacation down to Florida last week, I had to spend part of my 10 hour road trip in Alabama. The time spent in that state felt like an eternity. Aside from almost being run off the road by the residents who felt they had to prove their worth against our Prius, I have several issues with the state. So what a better way to air my grievances than a blog post.
Yes We Get It, There Is A Song About Your State
You can't go a single mile in Alabama, without being reminded of this. Not only is it plastered on every single license plate, but also spray painted in poor English on pieces of plywood. In 1974 Lynyrd Skynyrd wrote a song about the state, and they just won't let it go.
Confederate Flags Outnumber US Flags
Based on my personal observation (and flying through at the speed of light in a Prius was my observation), I saw more Confederate flags than ever. If I had talked to a local, I have reason to believe they probably think the South won.
No Interstates To Florida
Look at that map. I would have liked to have kept zooming through this 3rd world state, but they don't have an interstate to Florida. So I was regulated to two-lane highways. Where at one point we had to pull off in the grass, so they could bring a double-wide trailer through (no, seriously). And with an interstate system that hasn't changed since Eisenhower...
Alabama IS The Black Hole Of 21st Century Communication
Two-lane highways wouldn't have been a problem if I could have Tweeted my terrible experience. However that picture is from Google Latitude which keeps track of my GPS position (now my stalkers have a game plan). The missing points make up communication black hole in the state. No bars, nothing. I halfway expected the GPS to display a middle finger and say "Good Luck Buddy, I'm Out!"
Gas Stations...What THE Hell?!?
As I learned on this trip, two Rockstar Fruit Punch drinks can do some serious damage to your gastrointestinal tract. However when I found a place to stop and 'take the kids to the pool', I couldn't do it. I snapped that picture of the 'breezeway' where the restrooms were found at a gas station. An old U-haul? Abandoned mop bucket? I felt like I was some dueling banjos away from being in Deliverance 2.