Why I Never Like “King Arthur” Based Movies

Also, this is probably why they tank at the box office as well...

So, the new movie "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword" is kinda not doing so well at the box office right now....and I think I know the reason why.

I love King Arthur. ("But, Chynna, didn't you just say that you don't like the movies?" Yeah, I know...bear with me...) What I mean is, I love the legends and tales of King Arthur and his court. His court being the emphasis here.

Anytime I see King Arthur in movies or tv shows (with a few exceptions) the main focus is always on King Arthur. But why??? A king is nothing without his court. Do you know what makes the legends of King Arthur so epic? His posse! The knights! And Merlin! And Guinevere! King Arthur is nothing without them. If you take all of them out of the equation what do you have? "Kid finds a sword in a rock. Pulls sword from rock. He's king. People cheer. The end."  *yawn*  Boooooooring....

While the legends of King Arthur have been around for over 900 years (yeah, it's been THAT long) many people still don't know anything other than the fact that Arthur pulled a sword from a stone. But there's so much more to the story! Take the knights for example! Here's some facts about the knights of the round that not everyone knows:

While 12 Knights sat at the Round Table, there were actually a total of 34 "knights of the round" mentioned in legends.

Sir Lancelot was in love with Queen Guinevere. And she loved him back! *gasp!* SCANDAL!

King Arthur promises an ugly hag that she can marry Sir Gawain if she helps him solve a riddle. She does, and Sir Gawain agrees to marry her because his King has asked him to. Because of his loyalty to his king and agreeing to love the hag despite her ugliness, after they marry --Bibbidy Bobbity Boo-- the hag magically turns into a hot lady.

In some versions of the Grail story, after finding the Holy Grail Sir Percival dies....a virgin. Sad story, bro.

Sir Bedivere only has one hand.

The last knight to ever see the Holy Grail on earth is Sir Galahad, son of Lancelot.

Sir Mordred kills King Arthur....his uncle.

Also, Excalibur? Not the sword in the stone. Different sword. Arthur DOES pull A sword from the stone that proves he is Arthur Pendragon, true heir to the throne. But that sword is later shattered in a battle against Sir Pellinore. Excalibur is given to Arthur later by the Lady of the Lake. ...That always bugged me that movies and shows say that the sword in the stone is Excalibur. Pick up a book and do your research, geez.

And I haven't even mentioned Merlin or Morgan le Fay! Who both have a laundry list of epic tales as well!

Anyway, back to my point...THE POINT IS...You've got these really cool characters with cool stories and movie executives just shove them off the the side. You've got romantic drama with the Lancelot-Guinevere-Arthur love triangle. You've got bad-ass Sir Bedivere fighting battles one handed and kicking ass. You've got Abercrombie & Fine Sir Gawaine marrying an ugly woman and loving her for her mind and not her face, but that doesn't matter because she ends up being a Hottie McHotPants. You've got family drama with Arthur's nephew and trusted knight killing him on the battle field. And poor Sir Percival never got any action before he bit the dust!

All of those stories and so many more are what make the Arthurian legends so awesome. NOT JUST ARTHUR. But nooooo, movie executives are always like "Do the sword and the rock thing...People like that, right?"

To quote Monty Python: "you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you." Just because you have the power to make another "Arthur gets the sword" movie, doesn't mean you have to. Flip the script. Give the knights some screen time, would ya?