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Things I Would Do If I Won The Powerball $550 Million Jackpot

Scott Olson. Getty
I have to admit it, I caved. I had two dollars to throw away (big radio money) so I purchased a Powerball ticket. Maybe I have a better shot getting bitten by a shark in the Ohio River than I do winning that money, but I like to dream big. Money may not buy happiness, but I would be more comfortable crying in a Mercedes. So here is my starter list of things I would buy with $550 Million. What would you do with that cash?


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1

Build A Treehouse Mansion

 
 

My girlfriend forces me to watch so much HGTV, that I want to have a house that would be featured on there. It will also help me live out a childhood dream of having my own place in the trees. Plus it is the ultimate zombie defense, just pull up the ladder.

 
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2

Buy My Own Theme Park

 
 

Late this summer I had tickets to go to a theme park, but it rained that weekend. Not wanting to waste the tickets, I went and had the time of my life. Unlimited rides on roller coasters with no wait? Sign me up! If they wouldn't let me buy the whole park, I wonder how much they would charge for the ultimate "cut-sies" pass (I just really hate lines)?

 
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3

Buy My Own Television Station

 
 

Oprah Winfrey started her own cable network after purchasing Discovery Health. So instead of watching true documentaries about health mysteries, you can watch Dr. Oz play with weird props. My channel with my shows and advertisements of my choice. Finally tired of Flo from Progressive? Great, me too! You won't be seeing her during my programming on 'T Rav TV'.

 
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4

Purchase My Own Congressman

 
 

After "donating" large sums of money to my own Super PAC, I will finally own a member of Congress. You really can't put a price on being another step closer to outlawing morons. Plus you could have the possibility of having a whole day in your honor. Just be forewarned, my day of recognition will have a tradition that involves bikini bull riding.

 
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5

Host My Personal Episode Of "Shark Tank"

 
 

It never fails that when you get money, friends and family you never met will seek you out. So I will host my own episode of "Shark Tank" where those people will tell me what they plan to do with my money (if I give it to them). Then I will be allowed to tell them why they are terrible people and why their ideas suck, before I refuse to give them cash.

 

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