The Fantastical Facial Hair of Civil War Generals

Constantly bearded brothers and novice no-shave Novemberists alike curtail the usual sling of the blade or swipe of the electric and prime those facial follicles for a retro re-awakening.

Rewind to perhaps the most trying time in our nation’s history: the 1860’s. It was a time of tremendous loss, splintered relationships, shoddy medical practices and pragmatism as dense as depleted uranium. Ideology filled with or lacking ethical merit that was so impenetrable that men would die for it in the click of a mouse.  This was the time of the American Civil War. Such a serious time for all, and in the midst of the costly transformation our country was undergoing, the men of the time were curiously just as serious about their facial hair as they were about their fighting. The beards, mustaches and mystical combos of the time were truly works of art. The remarkable thing is that the striking images of these men exude mystery and masculinity without the magnificent face ornamentation.

From the burly and home-grown to the coiffed and complex, here are some of these dream-like facial creations illustrated by Civil War generals, freshly-coined and punctuated by a factoid or two about these real-life extraordinary gentlemen.

• “The Walrus” as worn by Union Major General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain. Major General Chamberlain was awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions in the Battle of Gettysburg. He was one of the only two Union general officers promoted on the field by Ulysses S. Grant, and rightfully so with such a beefy ‘stache.

• “Juggerchops” as worn by Union Major General Ambrose Everett Burnside. Post-war Major General Ambrose was Governor of Rhode Island and served in the U.S. Senate for six years. Those are some world-class pork chops sir.

• “The Lorax” as worn by Union Major General George Crook. If the luxurious wolf-like mane isn’t enough of a hint to raw manliness in itself, this Buckeye earned the nickname “Grey Wolf” from the Apache. And yes, getting a name like that from one of the most feared Native American tribes in the country means you are all types of badass.

•  “King Neptune’s Trident” as worn by Union Brigadier General Joseph Warren Revere. Caught in the right place in the wrong time, Brigadier General Revere (grandson of Paul) took flak for his actions at the Battle of Chancelorsville the ultimately led to his resignation. Tough luck aside, who could resist believing every word from the mouth of a man with such a majestic beard?

• “The Wooly Assassin” as worn by Union Brigadier General William Gamble. Coined for its resemblance to the symbol of the Order of Assassins from Assassin’s Creed, this Civil War survivor was clearly miles ahead of the times. He recovered from a wound during the Peninsula Campaign but fell victim to the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906.

• “The Archduke” as worn by Confederate Lieutenant General Richard S. Ewell. Unfortunately for Tennessee native L.G. Ewell, his nickname was not as cool as “Grey Wolf.” He earned “Baldy” for obvious reasons, but he was also described by a friend as “a compound of anomalies.” Either way, this oddball’s full goat and ‘stache combo looks lordly.

• “The First Dynasty” as worn by Confederate Lieutenant General John Bell Hood. With a reputation for bravery and aggressiveness that bordered on insanity, L.G. Hood or “Wooden Head” was a real war horse for the South. Wounded several times in his Civil War service, this Kentucky boy made the monstrous dynasty beard look good, and classy.

• “The French War Helmet” as worn by Confederate Major General John B. Magruder. Major General Magruder defended Galveston and dispersed the Union fleet in 1863. It is no surprise this pretty boy earned the name “Prince John.” Surely the long, thin chops with the tightly sculpted ‘stache had all the ladies swooning.

• “The Emperor Tamarin” as worn by Confederate Brigadier General John McCausland, Jr. A powerful weapon in the South’s arsenal, B.G. McCausland burned Chambersburg, PA and escaped Fort Donelson. He didn’t mess around and neither did his massive, monkey-like mustache.

• “The Two-Pronged Offensive” as worn by Confederate Brigadier General Roswell S. Ripley. The color green turned this Yankee businessman rebel. He occupied Fort Sumter and was severely wounded in Antietam. That pointy ‘stache though…

For this November, and for all those to come remember these men and so many others who have served our country. Remember them for their courage, quirks, sacrifice, tenacity and of course, their fantastical facial hair. Take a page out of one of their playbooks or use one of them to inspire your own! – Nick Durcholz