The Sideburn Song. Because who DOESN'T want an ode to their sideburns? (Probably babies, but they don't count because they aren't old enough to have sideburns yet.) Sideburns are amazing! They're even on both sides. They practically highlight your face. I mean, just look at them! They're always- WOAH! WOAH! NO! Do NOT touch them! Why would you do that!? You DON'T touch the sideburns!