As one lease ends, its time to sign another. Or if you're in to punishment (I won't judge), its time to look for a new place. And that brings along the greatest torture since water-boarding, moving.

I hate moving. There is nothing to put your life in perspective, than packing up all the crap you own and sending it somewhere else. You begin to ponder many questions. "Why do I have so many end tables?" "Is it possible for your couch to gain weight? And, how in the hell did I get that couch IN HERE?" "Do I really need this drawer full of my ex's stuff? What if she wants it? Its only been a year."

Now that I'm about three weeks away from my latest move, I'm ready to share with you the knowledge I gained.

1) The Best Apartments Aren't Advertised

If you're seeing ads for a place plastered everywhere, there is a reason its still for rent. Meth cooking neighbors, bugs, dead bodies...who knows what will await you. If it seems too good to be true, in the rental world it probably is. Investigate to the fullest. Some of the best places I have lived in, I found through friends and family.

2) Get Everything In Writing, on Video, or Recorded Through Audio

Landlords love making you jump through hoops. They know you want the place, but they want to squeeze you dry first. Getting utilities transferred, isn't enough torture for these people. They wanna see pain. They wanna see you bleed for this place. So bust in there 'Eyewitness News' style. And believe me, nothing is better than proving someone wrong with recorded evidence. There should be full fetish sites dedicated to this. I'd pay for it...


No matter what, you'll start packing the right way. You'll wrap the dishes in newspaper. You'll carefully label each box. Then you get to the odds and ends of all your stuff, or you'll run out of time. Then you'll just dump whole drawers in to a box and decide to deal with it later. Don't believe me? There is an entire stack of boxes in my living room, three weeks later, that I still have yet to deal with. See ---> that's photographic evidence. Best way to deal with this problem; decide if its worth paying $40 a month, or more, for a storage unit.

4) Moving, Moving, Moving...Get That Crap A'Movin!

This is where we separate the men from the boys. Here is where you will find out who your friends are. Sure you've got 400 buddies on Facebook, but how many of those bastards are going to help you with all your crap?  How about that friend with the sweet truck? Don't count on that bastard. However, if you've got friends to help you move you are now forever indebted to help them move the next time they need it.

Own a small car? You'd be surprised how much stuff you can get in there. I moved a 5ft tall floor lamp in the back of my 2000 Cavalier. It's all about being crafty and using space wisely. However I would suggest against tying anything down to the top of a vehicle. Unless you'd like to see what it looks like as it lifts away from your vehicle and smashes on the highway behind you. Make sure to have a video camera rolling, if you do go that route.

5) Get Settled In

Get ready for a whole lotta bored. That Xbox isn't going to hook itself up to the internet. And you're still 3 days away from the cable guy showing up. If he ever shows up in the 12 hour time span he gave you. So get ready to go on a parade of stuff that will have you asking "Why in the F*** did I bring this?", as you painstakingly find a new home for your crap. That you will forget you have, until its time to pack and move again.

...and that's it! Learn from my mistakes and move smartly. Is that a word? Spell check is allowing it, so we'll go with it. If you've got a helpful hint for moving, leave it below!