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Red Bull Should Pay Me To Do Dangerous Things

This past weekend Felix Baumgartner jumped from a capsule 23 miles above the Earth and managed to break the sound barrier during his drop back to Earth. However the most noticeable thing were all the Red Bull logos that adorned the capsule and Baumgartner himself. This was due to a sponsorship by the energy drink company. Here is list of things I would endure for that sweet, sweet caffeinated cash.

Ja Rule / Amazon
Ja Rule / Amazon

Listen To The Entire Ja Rule Discography



I'm going to have a hard time enjoying music at my high school reunion, considering that most of it will include this dude screaming about murder. If that doesn't annoy me, the terrible lyrics will. Cost to Red Bull – $1500


Jason Merritt / Getty
Jason Merritt / Getty

Road Trip With Carlos Mencia



How many “de-te-dees” can I endure before the fists of fury fly? How many comedians can I attribute to his stolen jokes? We could bring along a few cameras and make it a show. Mencia gets on TV, I get money. Win-Win. Cost to Red Bull: $10,000



Take A Ride To The International Space Station With Honey Boo Boo



This is going to be a stretch for me. I like space, I don't like child beauty pageant contestants. And a floating Honey Boo Boo, mixed with 'Go-Go Juice, would probably annoy me enough to open the air lock in space and end the torture. Cost to Red Bull: A couple million.


Larkyn - Flickr.jpg

Read The Entire Twilight Saga



I'll have to go with the books on this one. I don't think I can handle that many hours watching Kristen Stewart's lack of emotion. I also fully believe that Pixar told a better love story during the first 8 minutes of “Up!” that Twilight did in four books. So assuming I don't try to suffocate myself with the pages of the book first, this will be a huge endurance challenge. Cost To Red Bull: A few million (yeah, for real).


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Moonwalk With Psy on The Moon



Who doesn't want to go to the Moon? Its 2012 we should be taking weekend trips to the moon by now. But I'll totally take a trip to the moon for a bad ass dance party. Those Apollo astronauts can't have all the fun. Cost To Red Bull: FREE, just cover the ride and I'm there.


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