Places Douchebag Celebs Can Go, Other Than Rehab
Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong entered rehab this weekend. After an incident in which he was screaming at show techs, smashing a guitar, and throwing a tantrum that would make my toddler niece jealous. Why does it always seem that celebrities always run to rehab when they royally screw up? Lindsay Lohan gets drunk and crashes a car, rehab. David Duchovny gets caught cheating on his wife, rehab. To me it cheapens the rehab process, and cheapens the accomplishments of those who beat their addictions. Here is a list of places I think celebs can go when they mess up, other than rehab.
Write A Book
If you're famous, people are going to read a book no matter what you throw on the pages. If your addiction is bad enough, pull a “Hunter S. Thompson” and write about it. Do the TV shows, sell a few copies, then enter rehab and write a book about that.
Go On A Talk Show
Another name for this one is the “Charlie Sheen”. Instead of hiding out in rehab until your publicist tells you its okay to come out, just fire the idiot and go on a tour of the talk shows. Find Oprah, jump on her couch (writing the book may help with this). Just fess up to being an idiot and move on.
Go To Florida
If the state can hide Casey Anthony and a couple million votes for Gore, it can surely hide a big name star. Just slap on your cheesiest “#1 Dad” shirt and blend in among the tourists. Sure, remaining sober at Disney World may be a challenge. But let your motivation be that no one wants a picture on TMZ of them taking shots with the “Cinderella” actress (or do they).
Do A Reality Show
Just had an embarrassing blow up on camera? How about repeating it multiple times in front of a camera and call it a reality show. If those idiots from Jersey can do it, I'm sure anyone can. And you could even combine it with my last suggestion…
Move In With Grandma
Why go to rehab? If anyone is going to put you in your place, its grandma. She knew you a long time before you were a celebrity. She hails from a time when the only the “addiction” was to eating cake. Great movie waiting to happen and excellent set up for a reality show.