Police weren’t about to Gillette this fella off the hook.

After 26-year-old Robert Leatherman was caught by police in Beaverton, Oregon pleasuring himself in his car, he tried to weasel his way out of trouble by coming up with the lamest of lame excuses: he said he was merely getting ready to shave.

When cops found the unfortunately-named Leatherman reclined in his seat in his car outside the town library he said he was only leaning back because he was getting set to shave his stubble because, yeah, lots of dudes shave with the car seat back as it sits outside a library. Totally normal.

Eventually, Leatherman admitted he had porn on his phone and had been playing with his own personal Fusion Glide razor.

He told police he had gone to the library when he developed an erection and decided he “did not want to get out of his car while he was in that condition,” marking the first time in history any man has been excited to go to the library.

He was arrested and charged with public indecency, not to mention coming up with a whole new meaning for the term auto erotica.