New Pecker Padlocks for Bad Boys with Paranoid Old Ladys
Look out boys – soon your old lady may force you to wear one of these pecker padlocks in hopes of keeping you from succumbing to the skanktimonious temptations of infidelity.
A company called CB-X, claiming to be the world leader in male chastity devices, recently released a designer collection of cock blockers aimed at restricting you “from touching your genitals for sexual pleasure and gives the Keyholder control over the sexual fulfillment of both partners.”
These frightening monstrosities have been crafted to cater the discriminating tastes of rednecks, bikers and those with a classic refinement: coming in camouflage, chrome and wood finish. “Numbered plastic locks included allow wearer to go through metal detectors without setting off alarms.”
However, the burning question in regards to male chastity devices is: how does a guy take a leak while wearing one of these godforsaken things? Well, according to the product description, “the cage portion is vented for hygiene and has a bottom opening allowing use at urinals.” We were somewhat concerned how we would explain this to airport security.
Unfortunately, the moment the female population becomes privy to the possibility of confining their man’s package in a sheath of numbered plastic and brass padlocks, they will not rest until men cannot so much as pop morning wood without asking their permission… believe it.
Wonder if there is anyway to wear it upside down?
Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in High Times, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.