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How Would You Like to Be a Professional Fart-Sniffer?

bob odenkirk farting
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If you think your job stinks, just remember; things could be worse — At least “professional fart-smeller” is not printed on your business cards.

While the thought of some poor schmuck sniffing other people’s butt biscuits for a living seems absurd, there are actually a number of alternative medical practices in China which argue that the source of a person’s ailments can be immediately diagnosed by examining the odor of their flatulence.

According to Chinese medicine experts, a well trained fart-smeller can detect illnesses based on whether farts smell bitter, savory, sweet, fishy or even meaty – all of which indicate various problems.

Doctors who study traditional medicine say that the idea of a fart diagnosis is not as crazy as it sounds. Previous studies indicate that dogs have the ability to discover diseases like prostate and colorectal cancer simply by taking a big whiff of a patient’s urine and stool.

Incidentally, professional fart-smellers do not earn a bad living ($50,000 a year), but it takes a lot more than a twisted disposition and a keen sense of smell to land a job in the field. Potential candidates must be non-smokers, between the ages of 18 and 45, have no nasal defects and no dependency on alcohol. Most importantly, though: those with shaky gag reflexes need not apply.

We’re certainly not going to be applying for this position anytime in the near future; while the thought of breathing in funky, human gas fumes all day makes us cringe, the thought of sobriety is down right spooky.

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