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“House Hunters” The Real Life Edition

In case you’re not aware, “House Hunters” is a show on HGTV that features couples looking for new homes. If you should find this show on your DVR, chances are you’ve got a female living in your house.

Now I had the feeling that something was up with this show. However I wanted to believe that picking a house was as simple as looking at three places, picking one, and moving in. After this past week, I have found out that’s not the case at all.

My girlfriend and I decided it was time to end our ‘apartment life’. The joys of fighting for parking spots, dealing with loud douchebag neighbors, and worrying about losing your deposit because of random accidents seems a lot less appealing the older you get. So we decided to shop around.

Over the past week we looked at five houses and started working on securing a mortgage. Starting out we were already out of “House Hunters” world where apparently people walk around with $700,000 in their pocket and have spotless credit. Eventually we settled on a house we really like, it was our dream house. Then we found out another couple were are the verge of putting in an offer.

So we decided to scramble all of our paperwork together and try to beat this other couple. We created a binder of our info and presented it to the loan officer at the bank.

It wasn’t enough. We still needed more paper work. Lets just say that if you went to college, student loans will come back to bite you in the ass when it comes to a mortgage. Our binder may have been pretty, but it wasn’t enough for the loan officer. Looking back, we should have given her a trash can full of documents to sort through.

We were also hoping to secure some grants (since I’m a virgin when it comes to owning real estate). That is when I learned why nothing gets done when the government is involved. No one gives you straight answers. Department A doesn’t know what Bureau B is doing. Office C has to sign off on one document but they’re only open on Tuesday afternoon from 3 to 3:15.

Ultimately we missed out on our dream house due to stupid regulations.

My girlfriend cried. I contemplated TP’ing the house in retaliation. Needless to say we’ve moved on to house number 2. So here we are like sitting ducks until next week.

Sleep will be lost, I will hate my loud upstairs neighbor even more, and my girlfriend will consider cutting somebody if they put an offer in on house 2 before we get a chance. I have also developed a phobia of the 1970 and 1980 Ranch Style houses that seemed to be built overnight in Evansville.

Needless to say, I think my Facebook statuses from the last week created a better drama than any 30 minute episode of “House Hunters”. Maybe the show could be a bit more real if they showed the heartache of losing your first pick for a house, dealing with an uncaring loan officer, and making more calls than Jack Bauer in a single episode of “24″.

If you already own your own home, my hat is off to you. I have also developed a greater appreciation for Real Estate agents across the country.

On a final note; if they ever do a REAL version of “House Hunters”, I think every episode will end like this.

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