Full Dart Jacket: A Post-Holiday Nerf Fanatic Flashback

In homesteads over the country the air is thick with fresh neoprene and erratic howls of hysteria as a direct result of a full-fledged Nerf blitzkrieg.

Hyper-intensive reconnaissance isn’t required to know that giving one of these timeless toy guns to an adolescence boy for the holidays is a guaranteed gifting victory. The scene of a local Wal-Mart’s Nerf section a few days before Christmas probably mirrored the appearance of similar retail DZs around the nation…  Utter decimation. The look on my own son’s visage when he slashed-and-burned the wrapping paper off his own Nerf gun held an opposing sentiment… Unadulterated joy. Early introduction to violence, shooting people in the face (it will happen) and all other parental ideology aside, many personal memories stem from engaging in Nerf warfare. These memories are unforgettable ones, including a four-way duel in the dark (clean up that dirty mind) with my trusty Nerf Eagle-Eye at my side, which boasted a small overhead flashlight to assist in aiming. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best tactical decision to have a gun in the fight with a light built into it… The only light in the room. Needless to say, my friends who were sitting in the three other corners of the room did not have to be sharp shooters. I was peppered with darts, and the elation seemed to increase with the impact of each tiny, fluorescent orange suction cup that hit me. My reliable, single-shot Nerf Eagle Eye was serious hi-tech weaponry for the day, but now, the foam foray has changed. The following five guns make me want to jump headlong full dart jacket strapped, rebel yelling back into the fight.

1. Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25: 25 Bullets? Belt-fed? This new-ish part of the Nerf arsenal is the stuff of legend. It is the tool to defend your castle or tree house against any attack.
2. Nerf N-Strike Elite Demolisher 2-In-1: This has got to be one of the most aesthetically-pleasing Nerf guns out there. It features the ability to fire regular darts fed by a spring-loaded clip like a real assault rifle, as well as an underslung canon that fires a large dart. Again, very similar to the underslung grenade launcher attachment that many assault rifles sport. Super cool bud…
3. Nerf N-Strike Elite Centurion: Maybe this gun would be better for defending your tree-house… It has larger bullets for a range of 100 feet. This is the Nerf sniper’s best friend.
4. Nerf Zombie Strike Crossfire Bow: Don a black leather vest, sport a smooth southern drawl, throw in a few zombies and you could be Norman Reedus in no time with this sweet gun. The weapon of choice for imaginary zombie hunters everywhere.
5. Nerf N-Strike Elite Attacknid: The President has them at his disposal to strike fear into the hearts of the enemies of freedom (‘Merica). Now, you can have your very own dart-deploying drone to strike fear into the heart of your pets.

What better way to end this fanboy rant than with a Haiku in salute of those evil genius’ moving the troops over at Nerf and to the people of the Nerf Nation? Keep shooting!

Fluorescent darts fly

The wounded beam foolish grins

In blissful bedlam