Man, my job rules.

EXXXOTICA is infamous -- it's the nation's largest event dedicated to love and sex, after all. The expo came to the east coast this month, so I made the pilgrimage to Edison, NJ to hang with some of the biggest adult stars in the industry, buy an embarrassingly large amount of sex toys, and play a game we made up called 'Fetish or Fake' with whoever was willing to play. Turns out, everyone loves games! Also: bringing balloons to a porn expo is always a good idea.

Featured in this video are the lovely (if intimidating) Mistress C, latex fetish model RubberDoll, a babe from Scoreland, three ladies from Chaturbate, and a couple of dudes from Badboys Australia who somehow convinced me to become a popper.

For three whole days, EXXXOTICA 2012 turned The NJ Convention Center into, quite literally, a sexy playground: dildo see-saws, babes dancing in cages, on top of trucks, and hanging from giant swings. There was even a mechanical bull shaped like a penis, which was impossible to ride, because it was too slippery. (Go ahead, I set you up for it. Enjoy.)

EXXXOTICA was chock full of seminars, sexy performances, and Mistress C even took me into her dungeon, but that's a story for another time. Thanks to EXXXOTICA for hosting myself and awesome camera man/producer Ryan Simmons, and to everyone who played our game.

Finally, a big thank you to the owner of this very NSFW named lollipop company, for wearing a shirt that I am still laughing about, almost a week later.

I can't wait for EXXXOTICA 2013, which runs from April 19-21 in Atlantic City. My opinion of New Jersey is really improving.

P.S. - This happened:

Ryan Simmons