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Drink Up: Scientist Develops Hangover-Free Booze

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The great American boozehound may soon be able to over indulge in a ferocious night of drunken debauchery and not have to be concerned about suffering from any of the negative consequences typically associated with this level of raucous behavior.

That’s because David Nutt, a ground breaking British neuro-psychopharmacologist says he has developed a new brand of synthetic alcohol that people may be able to consume without worrying about the less than desirable aspect of hitting the bottle – the dreaded hangover.

Nutt says that the experimental alcohol surrogate compound is a safer version of alcohol that stimulates specific subsystems of the neurotransmitter system, which makes a person feel as relaxed as if they had just consumed a few stiff drinks.

“So in theory we can make an alcohol surrogate that makes people feel relaxed and sociable and remove the unwanted effects, such as aggression and addictiveness,” said Nutt.

The largest selling point of this boozing revelation is that the synthetic compound appears to eliminate hangovers, making it less likely for raging alcoholics to use the fact that they got diaper drunk and passed out in a pile of their own vomit as an excuse to miss work.

However, we are almost certain that Nutt’s alcohol compound will come with some serious adverse reactions. In the past, Nutt has experimented with alternatives for benzodiazepines, commonly found in the prescription drugs Valium and Xanax, which reportedly caused users to lose their ability to stand on their own two feet.

Yet, Nutt says he believes his latest discovery provides substantial evidence that suggests drinkers will soon be able to tie-one-on and then sober up when needed.

“I have carried out research on replacing ethanol in ‘alcoholic’ drinks with a safer alternative, such as a benzodiazepine; ideally these drinks would be impossible to get drunk on, producing a moderate buzz with no increase in effects at higher doses, and could be switched off at the end of the night with a ‘sober pill,’” he said.

So, does this mean we could soon all be a part of society where drunkards are able to push themselves into frightening levels of excess and then pop a magical pill that will somehow render them stone sober? Will this newfound mad alcoholic science somehow create a harmless environment for even the most rotten drunken degenerate to safely operate a motor vehicle after a wild night of binge drinking?

Well, while Nutt may have the answers to developing hangover-free booze, he is not exactly receiving much support from the British alcohol industry. Instead, he is attempting to secure some private investors to assist him in the expansion of his idea.

Unfortunately, we don’t have time to wait around for the hangover-free version… and it’s beer thirty somewhere!

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