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Brandon K’s Plan to Blast the Fat

Christmas has come and gone. I hope everyone got some rad and awesome presents and gave away the same.

I got some pretty cool stuff, including 15 new tubes of various brands of chap stick, including one called Chicken Poop. This was a very functional “gag” gift from my dad and step mom (due to a previous blog). If the apocolypse hits any time soon, I’m golden on lip balm.

I also got another gift for Christmas: f*cking FAT. I weighed myself the other day and I’m up to 212 pounds. Holy Lord, when the scale flashed those numbers in between the strained creaks and groans I put it through, I nearly passed out; 212! I’ve never been that fat or weighed that much in my entire life. I feel like I’m halfway through a pregnancy, like my stomach could burst at any moment. It’s literally to the point that I disgust myself. After New Years Eve, where I’ll gorge on taco dip and alcohol at my friends house, I will be getting serious about fitness and weight loss because I’m tired of looking like this:

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At one of my Christmas gatherings, my second cousin saw me and remarked how “swole” I looked. He thought I’d been working out. Well, technically I’ve worked out…about five times. I may have somewhat broad shoulders, but my gut is undeniable at this point. This will all change. I have a plan. It goes like this:

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That’s right. Consistent killer cardio, weight training, body weight exercises and supplements will hopefully get me looking like the pic below in what I’d like to think will be no time, but will likely be many many months….the final goal:

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Now I’m realistic. Have I ever been or will I ever be as shredded as Mr. Magazine Cover? Nah. But I’m okay with that. I want to nix the gut, have a flat stomach, some muscle definition and be able to confidently choose from my abundant drawer of jeans and know that any pair will fit WITH EASE.

I’ve done a piss poor job of getting in shape and eating healthy since my last fitness blog a while back, mostly because I’m lazy and fast food tastes delicious. But like Staind, I need to Break the Cycle. BAM obscure reference. I know I’m not the only out of shape bastard out there; there are plenty of unfit folks in the community that can and should choose fitness and health so you all can fit into all your jeans too. Good luck and I hope you people achieve all your goals, whatever they may be.

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