by Nick Durcholz

In the curious and raucous world of sports observation, especially in American football there exists a multitude of avian creatures of many different tempers, traits and appearances. Cities, towns and burroughs all over the United States become inundated with these particular fauna at the beginning of every February for the ultimate gridiron engagement known as the Super Bowl. The game is a brutish spectacle and most enjoyable. The following is a list of major species and the local establishment that are likely to be their most natural habitat. Find one’s flock!

The Red-Throated Coacher

Habitat: Show Me’s Evansville East or West. They offer cheap drinks, savory food and pretty girls. Plus, so many flat screen televisions that it will make an observer cross-eyed. It is a mecca of masculinity so bring the bros’. Smoking and non- smoking environments available.
The Greater Casual Commenter
Habitat: Old Chicago Evansville. They boast a massive selection of beer (110 to be exact), flavorful bar grub and a sporty but laid-back atmosphere for the flighty species that can be interested and disinterested at the same time. Smoking environment only.
The Frantic Familial Fantasizer
Habitat: Beef O’ Brady’s Newburgh or Buffalo Wild Wing’s Evansville East or West. All three environments offer adult and kid friendly munchies and beverages. They offer a positive atmosphere that seethes sportsmanship and reminds daddy of his glory days in high school. Ideal for the adults that cannot leave the chicks at the nest. Non-smoking environments only.
The Rare Classical Cultured Whisperer
Habitat: Kan Pai Sushi Bar Evansville. It offers a cozy environment with tasty uncommon fare for the species’ adventurous palates. It also offers, a multi-regional selection of wine and beer. Bring the male or the female for an intimate and enlightened night. Non-smoking environment only.

The Bright Semi-Interested Flirter
Habitat: The Fox and Hound Evansville. It offers a fun environment, good food and plenty of distractions such as pool, darts and music. It is a common watering hole for handsome males. Fruity drinks are readily available. A female can’t go wrong. Smoking environment only.
To birds of every feather, have a fun and safe Super Bowl!