The Nastiest Humbugs in Holiday History
We have a saying in my house, “Who ruined Chrimmus?” because when I was a child someone would inevitably knock over the Christmas tree, break an heirloom or a fight would ensue. At least our antics were not intentional – unlike the list of miserly characters I am about to introduce. All of these characters have tried to ruin Christmas –whether it was an individual’s Christmas, a town’s Christmas or Christmas for all.
With his signature coon skin cap and yellow eyes, Scott made Ralphie’s life miserable but Scott Farcus got his! His toadie was pretty wretched too but all I really remember is the name… Scott Farcus!
Marley & Marley
To be fair, this pair of grouches heckle everyone so spreading a little Christmas uncheer wasn’t too far off their usual agenda; but they are funny, so we included them.
Who else won’t hang a leg out off the bed at night for fear that Oogie and his mignons might snatch you and gamble with your life which is exactly what this singing, dancing sack of worms did to Sandy Claws! Luckily, Jack Skellington saves Santa, and in turn, Christmas.
This guy was so scroogey, they made up an adjective out of his last name! I don’t think “scroogey” is in the AP Stylebook or any dictionary but whether he is played by Uncle Scrooge or Jim Carrey, he’s still a curmudgeon.
Okay, I was racking my brain trying to think of who the worst, meanest, rottenest, most repulsive Christmas character of all time is. I mean who’s a real heal, as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel; a bad banana, with a greasy black peel? Who’s a monster; whose heart's an empty hole; whose brain is full of spiders; who’s got garlic in his soul and people won’t touch him thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole? Who’s a vile one, who has termites in his smile? Who has all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile – which coincidentally I would pick the seasick crocodile? Who’s foul, like a nasty, wasty skunk? Whose heart is full of unwashed socks, whose soul is full of gunk? The three words that best describe this character are as follows, and I quote: Stink, Stank, Stunk. Who’s a rotter, the king of sinful sots? Whose heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, and his soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots. Who nauseates me, with a nauseous super-naus? Who’s a crooked jerky jockey, and who drives a crooked hoss? Who’s a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce? My ex boyfriend? NO! I think Mr. Grinch takes the proverbial cake – but much like Mr. Scrooge, I’m happy to report he learned his lesson from the Whos and I hear he still plays Santa in the Whoville holiday parade every year… PS I hope I got all my “who’s,” “whose,” “whos” and “Whovilles” correct! Whow… I mean whew!